The Battle In Your Mind Between Medication and Meditation
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I love parties, but I don’t go
Then I feel bad when I stay home
’Cause I need a friend when I take a walk
I like spacin’ out when somebody talks
I wanna be rich, but I feel guilty
I fall in love with everyone who hates meAll my favorite songs are slow and sad
All my favorite people make me mad, so mad
Everything that feels so good is bad, bad, bad
All my favorite songs are slow and sad
I don’t know what’s wrong with me!— All My Favorite Songs by Weezer
Does this story sound familiar to you?
After nearly 35 years of not having mental health “issues,” you suddenly find yourself riddled with anxiety, nervous breakdowns, and perhaps the onset of some physical, chronic condition, and now you’re unable to cope with just daily life. You ask your friends and family for advice (or simply Google it) and discover everyone meditates now.
You feel silly, but you try.
And for a while, meditation works! You cut a few stressors out of your life and sit silently for ten to fifteen minutes daily to release your inner demons and “let it all go.” You can clear your thoughts, and you enjoy your time alone. Maybe you carved out some time during your day, or you meditate right before bed to help you cool down. Perfect.
However, in a few months, new stressors appear, and your anxiety/panic attacks start again. Now, you’re left without any coping skills again. You think to yourself, “I couldn’t cope without meditation, and now I can’t cope even with meditation! There must be something wrong with me!” You call the same friends and family, search online, create a few Reddit posts, and everyone tells you to see a doctor.
You feel silly, but you try.
The doctor prescribes a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). When you start taking the drug, you feel like crap, but after a week of misery, you get better.
And for a while, medication works! You can shrug off things in your day that might have caused you to break down, like a sad song on the radio or a phone call from your kid’s teacher stating they are suspended…again. But eventually, after enough time passes, new stressors appear. Or, perhaps old stresses reappear. Only, now that you’re on medication, instead of anxiety attacks or lashing out at someone, you go into what I call lockdown. You don’t want to talk to anyone, go out, exercise, or chat.
Every time you’re around someone, you want to go home. But when you go home, you feel like you want to go out and do something. Anything… with anyone.
The constant push and pull from both directions makes you want to shut down further. If you can’t be happy anywhere, you can be sad at home and not drag anyone else down, right?
Does this story sound familiar to you?
Have you ever buried your face in your hands
’Cause no one around you understands
Or has the slightest idea what it is that makes you be?
Have you ever felt like there was more
Like someone else was keeping score
And what could make you whole was simply out of reach?
I’m falling.— Have You Ever by The Offspring
So here I am — putting it all out there for you, dear readers.