I'm Not a Role Model, But I Can Breathe Like a Champion
How breathing techniques helped me overcome toxic and self-destructive habits.
I was asked about my daily practice in my training class with George Thompson a few weeks ago. I didn’t have a daily practice to speak about, however. I wanted to, though.
I hate to admit to acting like a stereotype, but I’ve put on a few pounds as I reached 40 and usually enjoy sitting with my phone, tablet, or gaming PC. My kids keep me pretty busy most evenings, especially at the end of the year when our birthdays and holidays hit all at once, but I work from home. So, I still sit alone on a computer for 10 hours daily.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve grown not to like dirt or sweat. On the one hand, it keeps me clean, but on the other hand, it ensures I don’t go outside much and avoid most physical labor unless required.
So, when George asked the question, I had to answer him truthfully. For four years of calling myself a Taoist, my daily practice was just about breathing. As I’ve aged, I’ve grown angrier and more distrustful about the world around me. Anxiety and panic attacks began to take their toll after a cancer scare in 2019, even though it turned out not to be cancer at all.
The final nail in the ‘perfect health’ coffin was tinnitus in 2022. I’m not entirely sure what caused it—bacterial infection, loud noises as a teenager and adult, or something else, but I don’t understand what silence is anymore. My ears ring like a choir of bells in both ears 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To combat these health problems, I began to practice 4/7/8 breathing as a method to help me calm down enough to sleep.
You see, I used to lie in bed for 30 minutes, trying to fall asleep every night magically, but with a choir of high-pitched strings in my head, that became increasingly difficult. I noticed, however, that if I slowed my heart rate down, I could suddenly fall asleep without having to work at emptying my mind. And miraculously, it worked! After nearly two months of only three hours of sleep per night, I began to sleep normally again.
More than sleeping, 4/7/8 breathing also helped me with anger.
I’ll admit I’m a jealous husband, and my ideas about how a husband and wife should act with their friends while married are dated. Those ideas come from parents who divorced after nearly 30 years and shared those same dated beliefs. Not only were my views of marriage skewed, but my kids tested me to my core. I’m not blind enough to believe “I had it worse” or that “I know how it is to be a kid” because, let’s face it, kids face problems I never had to—school shootings, children stolen out of their front yards, a country trying to give up democracy as quickly as possible, and a future they know all to well doesn’t hold many bright spots. So, I didn’t know how to react, and instead of figuring it out, my response was spanking, yelling, and words.
I’m a trained public speaker and have studied rhetoric and philosophy my entire life. I know how to circularly argue and prove my point in nearly every situation, even though it’s bullshit. My wife and kids eventually discovered the way to “win” arguments was not to engage. So, even though I’d “win,” I was never happy because I knew what they were doing.
This toxic behavior eventually led to more stress, anxiety, and frustration about the people who were closest in my life. Luckily, my kids were young, and my wife was patient enough to help see me through the rougher patches.
I write this so you’ll believe me when I say I needed something to help me in my life or I would lose my mind.
Practicing 4/7/8 is simple.
Breathe in for four beats
Hold for seven beats
Breathe out for eight beats
Now, repeat steps one through three until you’re comfortable. Like all exercises, it’s easier said than done. Some of the friends I’ve spoken to state it’s hard because it feels like holding their breath. Others try to replace the word beats with seconds, but holding your breath for seven seconds is tiring when you’re angry, and your heart is already trying to beat out of your chest.
For me, though, it worked. After a fight, I would remember to walk away and run 4/7/8 multiple times. Sometimes, I would practice for a minute, while at other times, I’d practice one round, which would be enough. After nearly two years of daily breathing practice while trying to sleep with tinnitus and after arguments, I noticed I was able to feel my heart rate beat faster as I became angry. The deep and quick inhalation (four) was followed by a brief pause (seven) and a long exhalation (eight). Not only had I unknowingly forced myself into a daily spiritual practice, I had mastered it.
When an act you practice becomes natural, intuitive, and spontaneous when needed, that’s mastery.
I was shocked! I began to notice I stopped arguing with my wife and kids; I could handle misbehavior or curveballs that life threw my way. Breathing with 4/7/8 is the first spiritual practice I’ve ever felt comfortable stating that I mastered, but like all wisdom and mastery, it’s only a stepping stone into the next challenge.
George soon taught me Taoist True Breathing—a more profound, more powerful technique that 4/7/8 prepares your diaphragm for. In true breathing, your goal is to use your dan tien, a spot three fingers below your belly button. It’s also named belly breathing because if you’re performing it as intended, your belly should noticeably bulge and contact while your chest should remain mostly still. If you’ve ever watched a baby sleep, you’ll notice this is precisely how they breathe—not through their chest, but through their belly.
As we age, culture teaches us that having a large belly is undesirable, so we work on making it as small as possible. When we breathe as adults, we learn how to do so through our chest using only our lungs, limiting how much oxygen we can inhale. A snowball rolling downhill effect takes over from here—lower oxygen, shallower breaths, less blood supply for your body, and the cycle continues.
The difference between true breathing and 4/7/8 is that your breathing becomes so slow and shallow that it’s nearly imperceptible to feel through your nose as your mouth remains closed. Your heart rate drops dramatically, and eventually, with enough practice, you reach a state of meditation.
Without mastering the technique, describing what happens afterward is hard. Still, from my first few weeks, I can genuinely state that a euphoric feeling washes over me after several minutes. My worries about today fade, and the world around me slows down. The hardest part of the practice is inhaling. As you begin to slow down your breath, you’ll notice a natural
By returning to our original, natural breathing method, we allow ourselves the capacity to grow and heal many wounds, whether those are mental, physical, or psychological.
“But why? Why do this?” you may ask. “Why does this breathing work for you?” Energy.
Growing up, I was taught to sleep to rest and regain energy. As you wake up, you’ll feel relaxed and have enough energy to help you reach the end of your day. However, I’ve slept several hours many times and felt more tired than when I went to bed. I’ve walked around an amusement park all day and felt more energetic afterward than when I arrived. So, if I gain all my energy while sleeping, how can these situations be true?
In Taoism, we are taught that your body is an energy factory. Specifically, your dan tien is the core of this factory. Like a building that produces cars, movement is required to produce anything. If the factory sat still for several hours, no cars would come out. However, hundreds of vehicles can be made when the building is full of workers, machines, and life. So, too, are our bodies.
We don’t gain energy by sitting still; we create energy through movement and practice. The key to turning on our internal energy factory is our breath. If we aren’t breathing correctly, our exercises will be less efficient, our tension will be increased, and anxiety becomes more challenging to overcome.
It’s a trick you already mastered but forgot many years ago. Remembering takes practice, but you can return to form through the softest, most accessible work you’ll ever do.
Through my journey, I hope you noticed I’m not a role model, and even so, I became a more relaxed and calm version of myself—a more natural Patrick. I still feel anger, but I don’t allow toxic behaviors to run my life anymore. I still can’t control my kids or their lives, but I adapt faster and easier than ever.
Connect with your breathing. As you become stressed or angry, please pay attention to your body signals and try preemptively breathing through them. My 12-year-old son has begun to practice breathing as well. I hope to give him the ability to overcome his internal struggles before they have a chance to take root in his daily routine.
For nearly 40 years, I forgot how to breathe genuinely, and for the next 40 years, I’m returning to my center. Find your center.
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