I'm Not a Role Model, But I Can Breathe Like a Champion
How breathing techniques helped me overcome toxic and self-destructive habits.
I was asked about my daily practice in my training class with George Thompson a few weeks ago. I didn’t have a daily practice to speak about, however. I wanted to, though.
I hate to admit to acting like a stereotype, but I’ve put on a few pounds as I reached 40 and usually enjoy sitting with my phone, tablet, or gaming PC. My kids keep me pretty busy most evenings, especially at the end of the year when our birthdays and holidays hit all at once, but I work from home. So, I still sit alone on a computer for 10 hours daily.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve grown not to like dirt or sweat. On the one hand, it keeps me clean, but on the other hand, it ensures I don’t go outside much and avoid most physical labor unless required.
So, when George asked the question, I had to answer him truthfully. For four years of calling myself a Taoist, my daily practice was just about breathing. As I’ve aged, I’ve grown angrier and more distrustful about the world around me. Anxiety and panic attacks began to take their toll after a cancer scare in 2019, even though it turned out not to be cancer at all.
The final nail in the ‘perfect health’ coffin was tinnitus in 2022. I’m not entirely sure what caused it—bacterial infection, loud noises as a teenager and adult, or something else, but I don’t understand what silence is anymore. My ears ring like a choir of bells in both ears 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To combat these health problems, I began to practice 4/7/8 breathing as a method to help me calm down enough to sleep.
You see, I used to lie in bed for 30 minutes, trying to fall asleep every night magically, but with a choir of high-pitched strings in my head, that became increasingly difficult. I noticed, however, that if I slowed my heart rate down, I could suddenly fall asleep without having to work at emptying my mind. And miraculously, it worked! After nearly two months of only three hours of sleep per night, I began to sleep normally again.
More than sleeping, 4/7/8 breathing also helped me with anger.
I’ll admit I’m a jealous husband, and my ideas about how a husband and wife should act with their friends while married are dated. Those ideas come from parents who divorced after nearly 30 years and shared those same dated beliefs. Not only were my views of marriage skewed, but my kids tested me to my core. I’m not blind enough to believe “I had it worse” or that “I know how it is to be a kid” because, let’s face it, kids face problems I never had to—school shootings, children stolen out of their front yards, a country trying to give up democracy as quickly as possible, and a future they know all to well doesn’t hold many bright spots. So, I didn’t know how to react, and instead of figuring it out, my response was spanking, yelling, and words.
I’m a trained public speaker and have studied rhetoric and philosophy my entire life. I know how to circularly argue and prove my point in nearly every situation, even though it’s bullshit. My wife and kids eventually discovered the way to “win” arguments was not to engage. So, even though I’d “win,” I was never happy because I knew what they were doing.
This toxic behavior eventually led to more stress, anxiety, and frustration about the people who were closest in my life. Luckily, my kids were young, and my wife was patient enough to help see me through the rougher patches.
I write this so you’ll believe me when I say I needed something to help me in my life or I would lose my mind.
Practicing 4/7/8 is simple.
Breathe in for four beats
Hold for seven beats
Breathe out for eight beats
Now, repeat steps one through three until you’re comfortable. Like all exercises, it’s easier said than done. Some of the friends I’ve spoken to state it’s hard because it feels like holding their breath. Others try to replace the word beats with seconds, but holding your breath for seven seconds is tiring when you’re angry, and your heart is already trying to beat out of your chest.
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