--For those reading this: I was asked to give my thoughts on the matter and respond--

I'm not a therapist or professional worthy of giving spiritual advice, but my friends and family would say I know some things.

--For those reading this: I was asked to give my thoughts on the matter and respond--

I'm not a therapist or professional worthy of giving spiritual advice, but my friends and family would say I know some things.

I've read your story a few times and looked over some of your other posts here on Medium. First, let me say I sympathize. I spent years going through a similar spiritual nightmare where I didn't know anything. Since you've read my story, you know how hard I tried to cling to my faith. My father worked in the church, and it was all I ever knew. How could there not be a God?

What helped me was saying it out loud. I was just so mad at everything that had happened and everything I watched Christians do that I turned to my wife and said, "I'm done. I'm not a Christian anymore." She said, "Yeah, I figured that long ago." I stated, "No, for real. I just wanted to make a note." Then I texted my brother (who is "mostly Buddhist," as he would say) and told him the same thing. It felt good to say it out loud and tell people. Once I finally let that part of me go. I could really look into what else was there.

I learned about everything I could. Mormonism, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, and of course, Taoism, which I eventually settled on. If you want to know WHY I chose Taoism, it chose me. You can read more about what I mean here.

https://medium.com/east-asia/the-boy-and-the-yin-yang-b4deee4039a2

I also understand that you're struggling to let go. Cancer is terrible, and I prayed to every god imaginable to heal me. In times of need, and when our lives are on the line, we will say and do anything. That's just human nature, so try not to beat yourself up over any action you took under duress.

So my advice is that you don't have to be anything. Not everyone is an -ist or an -ism. You can just be a lovely person and live your life. There isn't any faith or religion in the world that will magically make us happy. We have to work for that on our own. I do it by trying to make everyone around me happy. If I help my wife and kids and be a kind and caring father and husband, I have done my work well for the day.

You can use my morning mantra if you don't have kids or a spouse. I post this every single day on Mastodon.

https://universeodon.com/@patrickstewart

"I am thankful for living to see another sunrise, and I will use this gift to help everyone I can."

Please know that you aren't alone, and so many people are going through or have gone through the same situations you find yourself in. Just keep moving forward. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. So, there's only today. Do everything you can today to the best of your ability. That's enough.