Father’s Day Gone Wrong: A Comedy of Errors
Patrick’s Yearly “I Hate Father’s Day” Article
Patrick’s Yearly “I Hate Father’s Day” Article
Memories of my father return when I think about my childhood. It’s like when you drudge a lakebed, lots of shit can float to the surface during the process. However, in my situation, all the shit is mine. I threw it in the lake and I love keeping it there. However, every year in June, the boat has to go back out onto the lake and drudge up everything- Father’s Day.
If you haven’t caught on yet, my father and I don’t have a relationship anymore and we haven’t since I was 19. I’ll turn 41 this year and I’ve written about him in detail more than once, but the article I reference the most is below. So, allow me to summarize the story. My father was there and cared for us boys when we were children, but not much for my mom.
This perpetuated cheating, lying, emotional abuse, and more. Eventually, my mom kicked him out and as repayment, he stopped supporting us financially which caused our house to be foreclosed on and everyone leaving school to move home and support my mother. My father stalked us over the next 15 years in an attempt to meet our wives and children without having to deal with the consequences of it all.
The House of My Father
Alarm Bells Can’t Ring Loud Enoughthetaoist.online
During my 20s, I never needed to celebrate Father's Day and it mostly went unnoticed by my brothers, mother, and I. However, a funny thing happened when I began to have children- my wife and kids wanted to celebrate it. Now, I’m not one to say no to a young child handing me a crayon drawing, Sunday school painting, or homemade card, but as my children grew, I tried to downplay the holiday as much as possible.
I don’t have the desire to draw attention to the fact I reproduced as easily as possible — three times. I understand there are some people who don’t have the ability to have children, but this story isn’t about them. This year is no different as my wife and three children each spent nearly two weeks creating a gift. To celebrate the day even more, my family requested I pick the location of dinner on Saturday since we would spend Sunday night with my father-in-law and I didn’t want to compete for attention or time.
I picked Thai Orange, a Thai food restaurant where my celiac (gluten-allergy) wife can eat. But much to my dismay, rather than receiving an enjoyable meal, I received the following disaster.
Upon ordering our drinks, my son and I asked for lemons for our water. After a minute or two, we were brought our water with a small cup of limes. Thinking it was an accident and perhaps she grabbed the wrong tiny bowel, I asked for lemons again from a different waitress, but instead, we were brought limes for a second time. My family and I were unable to contain our laughter as we cracked jokes about living in some alternate reality where lemons are suddenly green. Were the limes suddenly yellow too?
Not being able to contain my curiosity anymore, I stopped the waitress and asked why I was continuously brought limes, and, with a huge smile on her face, she stated, “I’m sorry but we don’t have those here,” turned around, and walked away. So why didn’t she just say that to start with? Was using 2 limes worth the joke? Did she think I wouldn’t notice?
I can drink plain water without complaints like a normal and calm adult, but her smile (more of a smirk) leads me to believe they have done it before and counted on the customer not to complain.
As if it wasn’t a strange enough trip already, when my kids were brought their drinks, the cups contained Chick-fil-A lids. How did they get those? Is there a trading lid game I don’t know about where you get to exchange lids with other local restraints? Does Chick-fil-A have Thai Orange lids or did a worker of Thai Orange simply walk into Chick-Fil-A and take them? I feel certain, that Chick-Fil-A would not have simply given these away knowingly. Again, it’s such a strange occurrence to happen at a restaurant.
Finally, as if the universe just needed to remind me one final time how much I don’t like Father’s Day, I ordered duck basil but was brought duck curry. I don’t like curry really and I certainly wouldn’t have picked it for my Father’s Day meal. Having resigned myself to accepting this universal punishment for attempting to enjoy this holiday, I ate it with out complaining to the staff.
Unfortunately, the universe wasn’t satisfied with making just me unhappy either. The only previous trip to Thai Orange had been a few weeks prior where my son ordered the same meal, Orange Chicken, with the ‘super spicy sauce.’ My son is special needs, and he has difficulty accepting change or when things go awry.
He and I love spicy food as it’s one of the things we have in common, so I use it as a way to connect with him. However, he brought his meal which did not contain any spicy sauce. At the time, we thought it was a simple mistake and didn’t complain. I was proud that he handled his emotions well. He was disappointed but ate meal regardless. So, was this trip different? No.
My son was brought orange chicken without hot spices at all for the second trip in a row. This time, we stopped them and asked. “Are you sure they put hot sauce on it,” to which the waitress responded with a smile, “Oh yes hot sauce?” Yet my duck curry (which remember I didn’t order) was much spicier than his meal even though I ordered a less hot spiciness level. After all of the strange events of the dinner, we simply ate what we wanted, paid our overly-priced bill, and left to get dessert treats at a gas station.
So, yet again, after all these years, I still don’t enjoy Father’s Day. Not only that, but I seem to be creating my own strange and terrible Father’s Day stories. Attempting to accept Father’s Day for what it is, a day to allow my family to celebrate my reproductive capabilities is proving to be difficult again. One day, I’m sure to enjoy the holiday more. Perhaps when my children are grown and gone, I will miss the days when we could pick one special restaurant and ruin each other’s meals with such accuracy yet keep smiles on our faces.
So long Father’s Day 2023, you bitch.