Angry to No End

The problem with me, myself, and I

It’s no secret I’ve been gone for a while. My writing dropped to nearly nothing and as I slowly begin to come back to Substack, I realized there are several drafts waiting for publication. Most of these drafts are just titles and a few lines of text which never materialized, but others were completed or nearly so.

In this past January, I had another nervous breakdown; my third to be specific. Looking back, several warning signs were there and I should have started my meds again or at least gone to counseling, but instead I tried to just tough it out. The following article was originally written in mid-December, roughly two weeks before my most recent episode. It’s not a completely finished article, more like a random bullet point list of everything running through my mind at the time.

I wanted to share it with you all today so that if you’re also going through tough times, you’ll get the help you need. Allow me to be the example of what NOT to do.

But first, I have a new subscriber chat and I’d love to meet more of you. Have a suggestion for what you would like to read about? Let me know! I’m already working on my next full length article regarding cycles which was given to me by a reader in my chat!

---

(Nov 14, 2024)

I’ve been terribly angry lately.

October to December is the worst time of year despite it holding my three favorite holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The problem comes from a combination of luck and poor planning.

Let’s start with just the events that happen every single year which I need to buy something, travel, or both.

• Oct 3 - Wedding anniversary

• Oct 6 - Son’s birthday

• Oct 14 - Daughter #2 birthday

• Oct 27 - My birthday

• Nov 2 - Wife’s birthday

• Nov 27 - Thanksgiving

• Dec 21 - Father-in-law’s birthday

• Dec 24 - Christmas Eve

• Dec 25 - Christmas Day

• Dec 31 New years eve

Now, let’s add school events for 2024 during the same period.

• Highschool football games: 10

• Highschool Marching band competitions: 6

• Volleyball games: 8

• Homecoming dance: 1

• Karate tournament: 1

• Choir concert: 1

And now for the unexpected:

• October 31 - Nov 4 - Colorado trip with Mom

• November 22 - Wife’s gallbladder surgery and long recovery

That’s not including my job, which I won’t get into here for obvious reasons. I wish I could write that it’s just 2024, but it’s nearly always like this. Life gives you curve balls, and you just keep swinging because what else can you do? I know I chose this life, and I thought through all of my choices in the best I could at the time. But man this is a lot to work through.

I can’t even list the hard “life” stuff like fighting for my son’s special needs at school or my daughter’s anxiety. How about that girl who was spreading rumors about my youngest kid at school, and I had to have a nice chat with her parents? Not to mention just keeping the house clean and cooking meals? I’m not stating that I do any of this on my own, of course.

My wife is always here and is a hard-working mom. She takes care of a ton of stuff with the kid’s school, cooks most of the meals, and we try to split chores when we are able.

I don’t know if writing it all out conveys the message, but I struggle. I started working from home in 2020 (my new job was 100% remote) and I’m still at the same place. This has come with some interesting consequences. I never realized how much having another adult around to chat with helps my mental health.

---

And that’s it! That’s as far as I got before I became so frustrated I couldn’t continue and I simply left the topic to fester. Two weeks later I would be at my moms house sleeping nearly 18 hours a day while heavily medicated.

Now days I’m feeling much better and my mental health is back on track. I’ve reconnected with several old friends from my Medium days such as

Robin Wilding

and

Debra G. Harman

. Both writers I strongly recommend you check out. It’s been great catching up and learning all the drama I didn’t have to be apart of over the last year. The Medium publication I created, The Taoist Online, is still publishing every day after a dedicated editor decided to keep it running during my absence. I can’t thank them enough!

So, if you relate to any of this, please find help.

Don’t know where to go? I heavily recommend BetterHelp.com. You deserve to be happy. Thanks for reading, and you’ll hear from me soon.

Thanks,

Patrick